We’ve been on quite the journey together. Let’s time travel for a moment, back to three months ago. I was at the peak of what I now call my public delusion era.

The whole spring was unhinged, and I’ll be the first to admit I pulled you through it in real time before I knew where I was leading. Yet even in the chaos, I carried long-term vision. I made a bet on myself, because every time I’ve set my mind to something, it has come to pass. Maybe not in the exact way I imagined, but always in a way that feels right.

In the midst of my unraveling, I came to a deeper truth: everyone deserves to be met in their darkest moments with kindness and empathy. I’ve always offered that to others, but it hasn’t often come back my way. So, this year, I learned how to unapologetically choose myself, even while the world seemed intent on tearing me apart.

It was devastating to watch people turn away the moment I chose my fullness and stopped performing for the comfort of others. I know I made mistakes along the way, but each choice came from a need to protect myself and to honor my vision for a new life.

Though she was messy and manic, I’m grateful to the warrior within who had the strength to break the toxic cycles I was born into. She created space for my inner child to finally feel loved and accepted, even when the world kept insisting that I was bad and too much.

As my boy Dr. Carl Jung would put it, both of these archetypes, the warrior and the child, are no longer trapped in survival mode. Together, they get to step into the life I’ve always deserved — one built on a foundation of compassion, reciprocity, and unconditional love.

As we close out this season, I want to end on the joy that lived inside all of that pain, because it’s what carried me through to the other side.

You likely don’t remember, but over Memorial Day weekend I boldly declared I wanted to “Make Delusions Fun Again,” and that’s exactly what I did. I spoke my dreams out loud, trusted they would somehow land in reality, and gave myself permission to be a little outrageous.

All of it was in hopes that, by the end of summer, I could say this with conviction: sometimes you really do have to lose your mind to find it. And when paired with action, having a delusion is simply another word for vision setting.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look at how my spring delusions came to life.

Welcome to the End of Summah Showcase!

The season finale of a weekly storytelling series about rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and mythmaking. If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

The final episode is: Be the Vibe. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

3️⃣Slow It Down

The vision: I choose u+(m)e, religiously. Come home when you’re ready.

I wasn’t always a Swiftie, but I certainly became one this year. I’ve planted many easter eggs nodding to her work throughout all of my writing, and this delusion was no different.

It all started with a tiny seed on January 5th in an essay I titled Defying Gravity (Taylor’s Version). It was the moment I chose to wander down the road less traveled and embark on a mission to create the feeling of home inside myself.

By March, I created the feeling, and once I did it, it was way too cool to gatekeep. Unfortunately, it’s a really complex concept and language can’t quite capture it, so I started with u+(m)e —

• ✨ The u is for unlimited. A nod to Wicked: The Musical and the limitless possibilities that come when you dare to play the witch for a while and dream bigger than reality.

• ♾️ The e is evermore. A nod to Taylor Swift’s song Evermore featuring Bon Iver. It captures the power of falling into delusion to get you through your darkest hour when nothing else can.

• 💿 The (m) is for mixtape and myth. The masterpiece that emerges when you believe in yourself and your inner world, trusting that what you’re seeking will find you if you stand strong in your truth and power.

2️⃣Summah Garden

The vision: Patience + Things Will Get Better x Lady by the Sea.

Mixtapes and myths can only carry you so far. My second delusion grew out of the time I spent wandering a rose garden in my mind, where patience and blind faith were the only way forward. Day by day, I learned how to plant seeds for the future while keeping both feet steady on the ground, nurturing a vision I could one day bring into the world we share.

Travis Kelce did a huge solid for dreamer girls everywhere last week by bringing Taylor’s myths to life in the most literal way. And while my love story hasn’t bloomed just yet, my Summah Garden gave me something just as important: the answer to the Troy Bolton dilemma.

Do you keep your head in the game or your heart in the song? For so long, I thought I had to choose — stability or passion, advocacy or art, building a future or living a dream. But this summer showed me the answer was never either/or. It’s learning how to hold both.

Taylor’s engagement is proof that she found her way out of the rose garden. In my world, this newsletter paired with my first major consulting contract is proof that I’m finding my way out of it, too.

As I wrote back on December 21 in an essay titled Tired (Daisy’s Version), things can be two things.

1️⃣East Coast Summahs

The vision: She released the doves + she surrendered love. Now she gives them a standup routine on the Cape while dancing like Uma Thurman. It ends with a Sk8er Boi on stage.

I’m beginning to understand that when you allow one door to open, ten more usually follow. By giving myself permission to create consistently and sharing that work on a public platform that held me accountable, I found both the structure and the spark I needed to dream bigger than I had in years. I had no idea how I was going to pull off getting on a stage by the end of summer, but against all odds, I forking did it!

Last week, I performed in my very first improv show. It was terrifying, but fear has never stopped me. And the wildest part? The entire audience clapped for two of my jokes, and I wasn’t expecting it at all. That applause made the risks I’ve been taking, the chaos I’ve been moving through, and the visions I’ve been chasing all worth it. The real win, though, isn’t just that I got laughs. It’s that I’ve begun to alchemize my old trauma responses into something lighter, funnier, and more joyful.

For so long, I felt like a wrecking ball moving through my own life, but this summer I learned how to turn that same energy into art, play, and performance.

👑End of an Era, Start of an Age

As much as I’ve both loved and hated pouring my heart and soul into this newsletter every week for the last nine months, it’s time for me to fully commit to the new life I dreamed up.

As Taylor Swift once said, “I think it’s important that you know that I’ll never change. But I’ll never stay the same either.”

Here’s what’s next:

🤫 Secrets with Myself September

I’m going fully offline for the month of September. If you’re on the Cape, my next show is on 9/6 — tickets here.

🚋 On the Go Autumn

I’ll be kicking off my new nomadic lifestyle with a month in NYC starting on 10/10 — let’s hang out!

🧶 Weaving for the Winter

I’ll be back in your inbox with the next season of whatever this thing is on 11/22 — miss you already!!

For the final time, take what resonates and leave the rest. This was something unpredictable, but in the end, it was right. I hope you had the time of your life! 🎶

Until we meet again,

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Here’s the final mixtape of the season. It’s a joy ride!

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Welcome to the second-to-last week of Summah Camp!

A weekly storytelling series about rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and mythmaking. I thought I could make it through the whole summer avoiding the topic of my father, but as the end approaches, all the puzzle pieces are finally clicking into place.

If you’re new to camp, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure. I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is: Arrive. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

My Father’s Keeper

My relationship with my father has always been complicated. From the moment I could speak, I became his confidant and his keeper. He was the only person who understood the depths of my mind, and for all the ways he failed me, I always felt seen by him. It’s why it cut so deeply to watch him make such reckless choices that endangered my life and my future.

I cleaned up his messes for so long that it eventually became my identity. Later in life, I found myself drawn to relationships that mirrored those same patterns — men who understood me deeply but used that understanding to gaslight, manipulate, and control me.

When I pulled away from dating to protect myself, I redirected that energy into work, only to find the cycle repeating. I was most valued in moments of crisis and tolerated at best the rest of the time. The same dynamic ran through many friendships, where I gave endlessly yet rarely felt supported in return. In the end, life felt achingly lonely. I was loved by all but held by no one.

Two years ago, a long-lost friend helped me see that it didn’t need to be like that. Their presence gave me the courage to finally go no contact with my father. Not out of malice, but because I needed to take back the mental space to reimagine a new future, heal from a lifetime of putting myself second, and become a person I’m proud of.

Don’t Take the Money

About a year ago, my father sold my childhood home with everything still inside it, took the money, and disappeared. I’ve never been attached to things, but that house was different. My great-grandfather built it with his bare hands when my family emigrated from Ireland, and my grandmother’s only wish was for the house to stay in the family.

Losing the house itself wasn’t the thing that broke me though. The first break came when I finally faced the pattern I spent my whole life avoiding. My father manipulated me into choices that allowed the loss to happen, and I only agreed because I loved him and wanted to protect him.

The second break came when I realized all of our family heirlooms were gone. Trinkets, photographs, and memories from generations long before me were tossed into a dumpster, lost to carelessness and spite. That’s ultimately what led me to Celtic mythology, searching for stories that could hold what my father tried to discard.

Generational Grief

Most people don’t even think about their great-grandparents, let alone spend months aching over the loss of their legacy. I do, though, and for a long time I believed that depth made me weak. I treated my sensitivity as something I had to hide, but I now understand it’s my greatest strength. It allows me to recognize what has been lost, to feel the weight of it, and to carry it forward in a new direction.

When I first introduced my great-grandmother Brigid, I mentioned that my father was afraid of her, and I understand why now. She embodied the most powerful archetype in Irish folklore: the sovereignty goddess. Sovereignty is the force that determines who has the right to lead — it’s not given lightly, and it cannot be taken by force.

In Ireland’s oldest stories, sovereignty goddesses appear at the threshold of change. They test the worth of those who seek power and decide who is fit to rule. Their presence is both a blessing and a burden, because when they stand with you a kingdom can rise, but when they turn away everything can fall apart.

The Triple Threat

Before I introduce the final goddess of Summah Camp, I want to return to my favorite warrior poet, Cú Chulainn. We last saw him with his master teacher, Scáthach. Under her guidance he sharpened both his weapons and his voice, yet even her training could not prepare him for The Morrígan.

Goddess of war, fate, and sovereignty, The Morrígan was a triple threat. She could unleash chaos in battle, change her shape at will, and speak prophecies that determined the destiny of kings. When she turned her attention to Cú Chulainn, she appeared in her rawest, messiest form, offering him the chance to confront her power directly.

The first time she arrived, it was not as an all-powerful goddess but as a woman offering love. Cú Chulainn refused her, and in that refusal, he set forth a pattern that would follow him for the rest of his life. Again and again, she returned, not to make him prove his worth to her, but to push him toward seeing it in himself.

Each time she appeared, she took a new form: a maiden, an eel, a wolf, a crow. Each test revealing the fault lines between his pride and his destiny. It was not until his final battle that he accepted her, and in turn, himself. Mortally wounded, he finally recognized her for who she was underneath all the disguises, but by then it was too late.

His ego had kept him from the one thing he always wanted: the sovereignty to fully claim his power and the courage to stand in his full truth.

I spent the last 33 years shapeshifting to feel worthy, seeing the best in people who consistently showed their worst, and over giving to others who left nothing but breadcrumbs. It was all in hopes that someone would recognize the real me underneath all of the disguises. Turns out, I’m the one I waited for, and now that I can see myself clearly — the good, the bad, and messy — I’m ready to start anew.

To me, that’s sovereignty. And while my great-grandmother wore the crown and provided the tests, I realize now that’s not how I want to show up. I choose to carry the legacy forward by walking away from the wreckage, standing firmly in my truth, and building a big, beautiful life filled with love, light, and hope.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. See you next week for the End of Summah Showcase!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape. All her forking lives flashed before her eyes. It feels like the time she fell through the ice, then came out alive. 🎶

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

When I started this newsletter, I was very lost and on a quest for two things: freedom and feeling understood by those closest to me.

I’ve never been able to communicate my emotions verbally, and I’d become so disconnected from my creative outlets that I’d turned into a ticking time bomb. By the time I noticed, I was already exploding glitter everywhere, and all I could do was ride the wave.

First there was a lot of anger, then there was a lot of love, and the tears were endless throughout the entire process. I didn’t know what to do with all of it, but I knew I couldn’t keep living in my head, so I threw myself into action.

📌Some choices paved the way for a complete rebirth — like daily nature walks, weekly volunteering, joining an improv group, and diving headfirst into the world of consulting.

📌Other choices turned into lessons — like making grand gestures fit for a romcom or briefly changing my Instagram handle to dismantledbarbie69.

Regardless, I moved without fear for the first time in a long time, and this very public weekly touchpoint kept me accountable even when I wanted to curl up and disappear. These last few weeks in particular, I’ve really struggled to write, and I realized it’s because I did what I came here to do.

My mind feels free, and with that freedom I’ve let go of the need to be understood. This space that once served as a lifeline now feels more like a tether to a version of me that no longer exists. Still, I made a commitment to see this through and honoring that matters to me. So, we will continue on as planned for our final three weeks together.

This whole experience has had me thinking a lot about selkies. They’re mythological seal-people and I fell in love with them when I was like four years old. They teach us how the same skin that protects us may be the very thing we must shed in order to form authentic connections with ourselves and each other.

Welcome Back to Summah Camp!

A weekly storytelling series about rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and mythmaking. If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is: Claim It. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Rip Off Your Skin & Skedaddle!

Some cultures have sirens and others have mermaids, but Ireland has always been way too unhinged for that. Selkies are seal-people who come to shore and quite literally rip their skin off. Guess what pops out? A naked woman!

Unlike the siren whose primary objective is to lure sailors to a slow death, selkies are just trying to vibe. All they want to do is explore the land, meet cool people, and return home freely. However, much like The Little Mermaid, their ability to walk on land comes at a steep price.

In order to explore, they have to leave their little skin suits unattended. The issue is that a selkie’s skin holds all its power and its freedom to choose — so if a human steals it, they get to own the woman inside the seal. As you can imagine, nearly all traditional selkie stories end tragically for someone. They’re used to teach lessons about the cost of freedom, the risks of loving what you cannot hold, and the inevitability of returning to your true nature.

On my journey through the deep end, I searched far and wide for selkie stories where the woman gets to keep her skin and travel freely between worlds. I was only able to find one, but that’s all I needed to keep my spirits delusionally high.

Welcome Back to What’s the Point Island

Once upon a time, there were three selkie sisters who came to shore to rip off their skin and explore. When they returned to the beach after their adventures, they found three brothers had stolen their skin suits, binding them to marriage and a life on land.

At first, they played the role that was pre-scripted for them. They got married, had children, and built relatively chill lives with their captor-husbands — but eventually their longing for the sea came bursting out of them like glitter.

The oldest sister caved first. She said, “fork this!”, found her skin in the middle of the night, fled to the beach, and never looked back. After seeing this play out, the middle sister’s husband was so afraid of losing his wife that he threw her skin suit into the fireplace. Unfortunately, a selkie is only as strong as her skin, so she burst into flames, too.

After witnessing their fates, the youngest sister was paralyzed by fear, caught between land and sea — and she now understood that the power to return no longer rested with her. It was her husband’s call, and when he finally made it, everything changed.

One day he returned the skin she thought was gone for forever and told her she was free. Before she left, he asked why she would choose the sea over the life they had built. She explained it was about remembering herself. The ocean gave her space to breathe, to hear her own thoughts, and to reclaim the parts of her she had been forced to forget.

In the version of the story I love most, she didn’t vanish forever. She stayed away only long enough to feel whole again. When she returned, it was by her own will, not because she was bound or persuaded.

From then on, they built a life that honored both worlds. They gave each other space and cared for one another without control. Sometimes they lived side by side on land, other times she swam freely for months. Their best days were spent beneath the waves, exploring waters he had only dreamed of and revisiting the places she once called home.

She chose the man who had chosen her freedom. Because love, at its best, is trust — and trust is a choice.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the youngest sister — how she stayed true to herself in both worlds, and was loved for it, not in spite of it. It’s the same kind of self-love I’ve been working to embody, because I deeply believe we can’t offer love to others until we can give it to ourselves first.

Learning to hold every part of myself with compassion has meant getting honest about how I’ve been treated, how I’ve treated others, and where both have gone wrong. It’s been exhausting and gut-wrenching, but I ended up creating a love I didn’t even know could exist in the process. If these last nine months have taught me anything it’s that freedom and love aren’t opposites — they grow best side by side.

First, I escaped to the beach, then I burned down the house. I’ve heard third time’s a charm though so, I’m choosing to delusionally believe that somewhere out there, there’s someone who can love without needing to control.

And maybe that person is waiting for a seal girl who, in spite of it all, is brave enough to rip off her skin, choose vulnerability, and lead the way.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. See you next week!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape and see below for a special bonus track that was too niche for Spotify —

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

My brain processes patterns quicker than I’m able to articulate them. As result, I see things that most people don’t. I’m filled with grand plans that I can only make happen in spaces where I’m trusted to do my thing.

In broken systems that prioritize compliance and hierarchy, I’m unable to function and it slowly kills my soul. I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s the natural outcome of existing in world that was not built for my brain.

It’s why I shaped my entire career around advocating for children unable to use their own voices to defend themselves.

This makes a lot of sense to people whose brains function similarly to mine, but to everyone else, it often comes across as a diagnosis I refuse to ever give a child — Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It’s a behavioral condition in the DSM-5 characterized by a persistent pattern of anger, irritability, defiance, and vindictiveness toward authority figures.

To me, this diagnosis feels akin to putting a band-aid on a bullet hole and calling it a day. It’s designed to protect the ego of an authority figure more interested in defending themselves than serving their people.

The myth of hustle culture perpetuates this nonsensical thinking, allowing us to believe that speed is more important than identifying and addressing root cause. It pulled me so far from myself that I lost my words, became quite unruly, and started believing I was the problem.

Every time I’ve lost my footing, a pattern has brought me back. This time, it carried me to the warrior poets of Celtic mythology.

Welcome Back to Summah Camp!

A weekly storytelling series about rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and mythmaking. If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is: Don’t Stop Believing. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

A Rebellious Nation of Freckle-faced Hustlers

A few weeks back, I introduced you to the work of Dr. Carl Jung. He believed some patterns run so deep they show up everywhere — in stories, in art, and in the way we move through the world. He called them archetypes. Most of us live inside them without realizing it, but once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

The warrior poet is one of those patterns. It blends two archetypes with their own power: the poet, who remembers and speaks for the people, and the warrior, who protects what matters most. The poet gives the warrior purpose, and the warrior gives the poet a voice that can’t be ignored. Together, they use words to win battles and shape the future.

In Ireland, the warrior poet appears everywhere. They live in the oldest myths and in the pages of history. Their words could shift the outcome of a battle, change the course of a life, and carry a legacy forward long after the people in it were gone.

Amergin — Chief Poet Officer

Legend says the first poet of Ireland was a man named Amergin, and he wasn’t even from Ireland! He arrived as an outsider, leading his people with the intention of taking the island. But instead of beginning with violence, he turned to diplomacy.

Speaking to the land, the sea, and the sky, he offered words that carried both confidence and respect. Through what became known as the “Song of Amergin,” he won the right for his people to settle, and the island was claimed without a single casualty.

Amergin’s legacy is a reminder that any voice, when used with precision and purpose, can change the fate of a nation.

Scáthach — The Teacher on Liability Hill

Scáthach was a master fighter, but her greatest power was in what she taught. She lived in a fortress high on a cliff, and to reach her, you had to cross a narrow bridge. One wrong step could send you right into the water, so most turned back before making it to her door.

Those who chose to stay found a teacher who could see straight through them. She knew who would break first, who would last the longest, and what it would take to turn each one into a living legend.

Her training went far beyond weapons. She taught her students to read a room, speak with authority, and carry themselves in a way that earned respect before a fight even began. By the time they left, they moved and thought differently. They could change the course of a battle without lifting a finger.

Scáthach’s legacy wasn’t just in the warriors she trained, but in the voices she sharpened to carry her influence far beyond her fortress walls.

Cú Chulainn — Her Best Student

Cú Chulainn came to Scáthach young, fearless, and already carrying the spark of someone who would be remembered. He crossed the swaying bridge to her fortress without hesitation, met her gaze without flinching, and learned faster than anyone she had ever trained. His body seemed built for battle, but Scáthach knew his real weapon was his voice.

Under her guidance, he learned to use it with the same precision as a blade. He could challenge seasoned fighters, rally a weary army, and seal an oath so firmly no one dared break it. His presence was as much in his words as in his stance, and people followed him because they believed in him.

Cú Chulainn fought with unmatched skill, but it was his rhetoric that inspired a nation and allowed him to live on long after his last battle.

The warrior poets of Ireland carry a legacy that shows how words can achieve what force cannot. Their stories reminded me that my voice has always been my greatest strength. And while history shows that free thinkers are often called troublemakers by those who benefit from their silence, I know better now.

It’s not defiance. It’s the gift I was given, and I intend to use it. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. See you next week!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape. We take the history, script it in song, light the torch, then you pass it on. That's right, Macklemore said: lineage through the rhythm, we script it from the palm, and we give ‘til Ireland is on. Bottoms Up! 🎶🎶🎶

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

My great-grandmother’s name was Brigid. Legend says she was a witch, but I think she just had a gift for pattern recognition and intentional storytelling.

It’s a tradition that runs through my ancestral line, and it’s been used as a survival practice for generations. I’ve traced it all the way back to the Irish Famine that wasn’t really a famine, but we’ll talk more about that another time. *jazz hands*

I never met my great-grandmother, but her memory was always present. My nana idolized her, my father feared her, and anyone who knew her told me I was just like her.

Today, I’m excited to introduce you to her namesake — the original Brigid.

Welcome Back to Summah Camp!

A weekly storytelling series about rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and mythmaking. If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is: Heavy Hittin’. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Celtic Mythology 101

Celtic mythology is one of the oldest story systems in Europe, with roots dating back over three thousand years. These stories primarily developed across the regions we now know as Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

Our focus will be on the Irish canon — it’s where my roots are, and it holds the most complete body of surviving texts. Much of what we know today was written down after Ireland’s conversion to Christianity, when monks became the record-keepers.

As they documented the oral tradition, they carried with them the priorities of the Church: order, obedience, and male authority. Stories changed shape in their hands, and many female figures were erased, diminished, or rewritten to serve religious goals.

What had once preserved memory and meaning was gradually reshaped to maintain dominance.

However, Ireland lived by a different set of truths before the Church’s rise to power. Irish paganism was a land-based spiritual system that honored nature, ancestry, and the unseen.

It was rooted in feminine power, offering guidance through stories that built connection and shaped a worldview grounded in natural rhythm. Order came through reciprocity, rather than control.

Brigid is one of few Irish figures whose presence remained intact. She appears across traditions as a Celtic goddess, a Christian saint, and even the Voodoo guardian of the dead. Her story takes many forms, but her role remains constant.

She creates, she protects, and she guards the threshold between worlds.

Goddess Brigid

Brigid is said to have created Ireland with her bare hands. In the oldest stories, she isn’t limited to one role. Some versions split her into three sisters: a poet, a healer, and a blacksmith. But that’s just a way of explaining what couldn’t be contained.

As a poet, she offered blueprints for living. Her words preserved wisdom and shaped legacies. As a healer, she drew knowledge from the land to ease pain, guide birth, and care for the dying. And at the metal shop, she started fires, crafting tools that built homes and the weapons that protected them.

Brigid didn’t settle into one path. Instead, she chose to walk all of them because it’s what life required. She became what was needed, again and again, leaving behind a world that could stand on its own as a result.

She turned survival into an art form and passed it on.

Saint Brigid

As a Christian saint, Brigid is remembered for providing protection, performing quiet miracles, and supporting people through times of need. Her legacy endures because she made faith feel practical by rooting it in presence and everyday acts of care. She was also quite unhinged. It’s the best thing about her.

One story tells the tale of a young girl who becomes pregnant after breaking her vow of chastity. Afraid and unsure of what to do, she turns to Brigid for help. In the greatest plot twist of medieval times, Brigid laid her hands on the girl and the pregnancy vanished. There was no pain or punishment — just compassion, care, and release. Interesting, right?

Another time, she was at an Easter gathering and they ran out of drinks. You want to know what the second-best miracle of all time was? Brigid turning bathwater into beer for the entire party.

She was a master at performing ordinary interventions that restored balance and faith.

Maman Brigitte

Brigid’s story didn’t end in Ireland. During the 17th and 18th centuries, Irish indentured servants were brought to the Caribbean and North America by colonial powers. Many worked under harsh conditions, often alongside enslaved Africans. In those spaces, survival demanded adaptation and people held tight to what was in their control — songs, symbols, and stories.

Over time, Irish folklore, Christian tradition and West African spirituality began to intertwine, creating a new practice. Through that cultural blending, Brigid took new form as Maman Brigitte. Known for her quick wit and fierce devotion, she drank her rum with hot peppers, swore like a sailor, and refused to tolerate injustice.

She served as a fierce protector of women and the madame of the underworld, working beside her husband, Baron Samedi — a spirit known for his dark humor, disruptive energy, and raw truth-telling. When all other options were gone, Maman Brigitte was the one you called. She stood watch at the threshold between life and death, offering healing when possible and guiding the rest to the afterlife with dignity.

She led with love, fought with fire, and never left a soul behind.

Brigid exemplifies the beauty of cultural diffusion, and what can happen when we choose to keep going during times of despair. Her shape has changed, but her purpose has not. She creates what’s needed, protects what matters, and fosters safe spaces in the harshest conditions.

That’s the Brigid I recognize in my great-grandmother. Over time, the stories she carried became the stories she embodied. She passed down a way of seeing that held pattern and purpose side by side — and somewhere along the way, I picked it up.

When my entire world fell apart, it was Brigid’s stories that held me when nothing else could. She reminded me that carrying your full self with confidence is one of the greatest acts of self-love there is. In a world that keeps trying to shrink us down, celebrating authentic wholeness becomes its own kind of poetry.

And that kind of poetry? It's resistance. La Vie Boheme, y’all. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. See ya next week!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape. Just when you think you’ve got me figured out, the season’s already changing! Also, for a second, I forgot I was a —

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

I know I go back to December all the time — but this time, we’re doing it to close out my public delusion era.

Writing has always helped me process the world around me. I spot patterns and turn them into stories to make meaning of my inner world. Sometimes I write them down. Sometimes they loop in my head for years. Most of the time, they keep me up at night.

When I first showed up in your inbox this winter, I was caught in stories that no longer felt like mine. I couldn’t trace where they started or how I got so deep inside them — I just knew I was ready to leave. So, I did. I quit a decade-long career, let go of the people who needed me to perform for love, and moved into my mother’s basement to heal.

With no role models left to follow, I turned to the one place that always felt safe: music. And somewhere in the sound, a pattern began to rise. I didn’t know what it meant yet, but I stayed with it — writing down what I noticed, track by track.

By my sixth essay, I still hadn’t solved anything, but I’d discovered enough to chart a path forward. The Freefall became my personal blueprint for crashing out in order to begin again. It was messy. It was magical. And, as it turns out, it was a proven psychological framework first charted by Dr. Carl Jung.

Welcome Back to Summah Camp!

A weekly storytelling series about rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and mythmaking. If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is a double feature: Remembering & Making Glitter. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

The Great Remembering

Dr. Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist who founded analytical psychology, a framework for understanding the unconscious mind and the deeper architecture of the self.

At the center of his work is the concept of the collective unconscious, a layer of the psyche shaped by patterns inherited through culture, ancestry, and history. These patterns influence how we see ourselves and how we make sense of the world — often without realizing it.

Over time, we adopt roles we think will keep us safe, loved, or accepted — and eventually, we forget we’re even performing. Jung called these roles archetypes, inherited storylines embedded so deeply they feel like identity. But they’re only part of the story. His work invites us to examine these roles, so we can decide what to carry forward and what to leave behind.

Sound familiar?

Go Insane, Go Insane, Throw Some Glitter, Make It Rain!

Jung believed the goal was to integrate our archetypes and to hold each with curiosity and care. He called that process individuation — the ongoing work of becoming whole by weaving together the fragmented parts of the psyche.

He didn’t figure this out by staying in control — he figured it out by falling apart. In his late thirties, Jung unraveled. From the outside, it looked like a breakdown, but behind the scenes, he started to create. He filled notebooks with images, colors, and symbols that no one else could make sense of.

The result was The Red Book, a mythic and deeply personal record of descent and return. It wasn’t published until decades after his death, but it offered a quiet kind of blueprint. He showed us what can happen when we turn inward, follow what rises, and let the pieces lead us someplace new.

When I stepped into freefall, I didn’t know any of this. I only knew I couldn’t keep performing. So, I wrote to process. I danced to feel. I painted to stay grounded. I followed the patterns and tried to make sense of it all by turning my experience into something I could hold.

Unlike Jung, I didn’t wait until the end to make it public. I let it unfold in real time and in full color. Not for attention, but to show it’s okay to come undone while proving this to myself:

When you move with self-trust and long-term vision, it’s not delusion — it’s design. And it’s how magic is made.

Where We Go from Here

After all that falling, I’ve finally landed. Summah Camp will carry on, but in a new rhythm.

Two key changes are coming in August:

1. The Newsletter will shift focus from my personal healing journey to the magical world of Celtic mythology. I plan to share the stories that helped me remember who I am. My hope is that they’ll inspire you to explore your own stories — the ones that reveal your roots, expand your inner world, and remind you of who you’ve always been.

2. Daily Instagram stories are ending, but the plot isn’t. I’m entering my poetry era with a new series called Revisionist History, rewriting the endings of stories I’ve been telling in my notebooks for twenty years.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. See you next Saturday!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape. It’s the emotional arc of my freefall and it ends like this —

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

As much as I love sticking to a plan, I’m calling an audible and straying from the syllabus this week. If you need me, I’ll be dancing my way through Provincetown — it’s Bear Week! 🌈🌈🌈

While I’m breaking character, I have a couple of life updates:

• I joined an improv group

• I’m an independent consultant now

• I go for morning runs

The funniest part? None of this is a joke! It’s just a testament to what can happen if you wake up and choose yourself daily.

See ya next Saturday for regularly scheduled programming.

<3 Nic

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape, I’ll circle back to it next week —

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

Some people find patterns in numbers, but that’s never been interesting to me. Instead, I find them everywhere else — in art, in behavior, and in the things people don’t say.

Qualitative pattern recognition is an incredibly useful skill that gets you absolutely nowhere in a society that values compliance over creativity. In practice, it’s quiet, lonely, and exhausting — but it’s just the way my neurocomplex brain works.

My theory? It’s why all the poets end up hiding out by lakes and in gardens.

Welcome Back to Summah Camp!

A weekly storytelling series about healing, remembering, and rewriting our lives through pattern recognition and myth-making. If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is The Pattern. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Girl, Myth, Legend

Growing up, my father shared his internal world with me often. He was a burnt-out poet trapped in the body of a tax accountant, so he didn’t always have the words for it. We mostly just laid around listening to music, watching movies and talking about books.

One of our favorite movies to watch together was Big Fish. It explores the legend of Edward Bloom, a larger-than-life storyteller whose fantastical tales blur the line between truth and myth. As Edward’s son tries to separate fact from fiction, he realizes the real magic lives in the storytelling itself.

My father was a lot like Edward Bloom and he got my myth started early.

Gypsy Rose Lee

It begins in daycare. Allegedly, I used to rip off all my clothes and scream during nap time — every time. The solution? Laugh at the baby and nickname her after a stripper!

Gypsy Rose Lee was a Depression-era burlesque star known for her wit, control, and perfectly timed striptease. She inspired the 1962 musical Gypsy, and though I’ve never seen it, it’s become a defining part of my personality. I most recently ripped off all my clothes and screamed to make a point on March 9th.

Ms. Rose Lee’s life was a tale of survival disguised as spectacle. Through it, she turned performance into power and reclaimed her narrative against all odds.

Rose Dawson

By kindergarten, I didn’t really want to identify with a stripper anymore, so I found a new Rose. For an entire year, I came home every single day and watched the Titanic. I wanted to be Rose Dawson more than anything.

I think it’s because all I’ve ever wanted is for someone to tell me it’s okay to be myself. Jack never tried to fix Rose or shame her for being larger than life. He saw her fully, in all of her fire and frustration, and made sure she knew she was enough.

So when he went down with that ship, she rose up like the tide — carrying with her the memory of someone who believed she could do anything. And because of that, she did. She built a big, wild, beautiful life in his honor.

That’s what always stuck with me. Not the tragedy, but the choice to keep going. To live fully. To have hope anyways.

Kesha Rose

Though fictional, Rose Dawson represents a long lineage of wild and free women who’ve chosen differently for themselves. Just like Kesha, my role model since 2010.

Do you remember when she dropped the dollar sign and changed her name to Kesha Rose for a little bit? Because I sure do. It was the moment she finally took control over her story — on her terms, in her voice, and no longer for anyone else’s comfort.

Releasing Praying in 2017 was more than just a comeback, it was a strategic power move. After years of legal battles with her former producer over abuse allegations, Kesha rose from silence to sing her truth.

And in doing so, she set herself free, leaving behind a blueprint for anyone else ready to do the same. Sound familiar?

“Picked Like A Rose.”

If you can’t tell by the women I’ve highlighted so far, there’s nothing I love more than a party girl who’s smarter than you and knows it.

Clara Bow was one of them. She was a 1920s silent film star whose fame skyrocketed after becoming Hollywood’s original “It Girl.” Known as a working-class outsider, Clara refused to hide her accent, her opinions, or her desire to live freely in a world that demanded silence from women.

Despite her charisma and impact, the industry cast Clara aside by her early thirties. They painted her as unstable and irrelevant, erasing her from the spotlight she helped define.

Taylor Swift, fearless leader of the burnt-out poets, didn’t just tell Clara’s story — she inherited it, then rewrote the ending in real time. By using the Eras Tour to canonize her life’s work, she safeguarded herself from the irrelevance Clara once faced.

Taylor reclaimed her power for herself, for Clara, and for every woman ready for a new framework.

Girl, Myth, Legend — Part 2

Just like in kindergarten, when I picked Rose Dawson over a stripper, I chose differently this December, too. After 33 years of explaining myself to people committed to misunderstanding me, I stopped and started building a life grounded in truth instead.

Through my healing journey, I’ve learned the only person I ever needed to convince was myself. Once that clicked, everything shifted. All it took was a million little patterns and this lyric:

Nothing hits like a confident reprise, am I right? I started digging through twenty years of notebooks and napkins — all the musings I wrote while living out endings that were never mine. They were inherited through silence, survival, and a long line of women who weren’t able to choose themselves.

It was messy, but it provided a beautiful gift: The space to start again, on my own terms. Now, from solid ground, I love myself enough to write new endings. Ones rooted in softness, guided by vision, and made with choice.

It feels a lot like the end of two decades and the start of an age.

To me, this is the power of pattern recognition. It’s not just noticing what repeats, it’s choosing to break the cycle once you do. It’s remixing your life into something free, beautiful, and fully your own.

Call it a delusion if you must, but I call it remembering who I was before the world told me who to be. We’ll talk more about that next week. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here for this week’s mixtape. I never promised you a rose garden, but I can teach you how to build your own —

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

In 1518, hundreds of people in France danced uncontrollably for days. It was one woman — dancing on her own — who got the party started.

Eyewitnesses described people collapsing from exhaustion, foaming at the mouth, and dancing straight through broken bones. Some reportedly danced to their deaths.

Historians call it choreomania — a social phenomenon that swept Europe between the 14th and 17th centuries.

In the 1970s, King Harvest called their experience with it Dancing in the Moonlight. A decade ago, Taylor Swift called hers Shake It Off.

I call it what happened to me from December to May — The Freefall.

Welcome back to Summah Camp!

If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure. I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is Dancing. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

The Dancing Plague of 2025

Choreomania happened to me by accident — but only after I stopped following someone else’s script and started weaving my own.

Here’s what 6 months of uncontrollable dancing did for me:

• I lost 60 pounds.

• I quit smoking and drinking.

• I reconnected my body, mind, and soul.

• I replaced the fear-based narratives I was looping on with love-based ones.

• I saw the true colors of those closest to me, and only kept the people who support and inspire me.

• I made peace with the life I burned to the ground in the name of a rose garden I’m still building. (Shout out to Stevie Nicks, Taylor Swift and Kendrick Lamar for the inspiration!)

I don’t think I’d recommend the experience. It was a lot. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But it cracked something open inside me — something soft, sacred, and deeply alive.

I love the version of me that came home on the dance floor this Spring. She’s free. She’s whole. And now that she’s slid her way into a world of limitless possibility, there’s no going back — only forward, barefoot and on beat.

It’s All About That Bass —That Bass— No Treble!

In hindsight, I’ve come to understand I wasn’t just dancing. The beat bypassed my brain and took over my nervous system, allowing my body to move through and release a lifetime of trauma.

It’s exactly what all the self-help books tell you to do, but reading is different than doing. And now, I stand before you as living proof — a testament to practicing what you preach!

I still haven’t found the exact words to capture what I went through, but I’m headstrong, so I’m going to keep trying until something sticks. Trust when I say that I’m well aware of how unhinged this makes me look, I just don’t care how others perceive me anymore.

And that? That’s freedom. It’s why I keep dancing through your judgment.

It’s Just a Jump to Left, and a Step to the Right!

Overtime, all that dancing really warped my sense of reality. Time got slippery, the musical universe I found safety in took over, and I wandered right into the liminal space between delusion and this dimension.

All I could do was follow the beat like a lifeline and trust that it was leading me somewhere. At first, it was just survival — a way to release what my nervous system could no longer hold. But the more I moved, the more I began to notice patterns across lyrics and beats.

That’s when I started fixating on mixtapes, and more broadly, the concept of taking the past and reworking it into a new story with intention.

Here’s a modern remix on my 2012 broken heart. It’s sooo much more fun than the original version:

Just like in 1518, this may have started as a one-woman dance party, but that’s certainly not how it’s going to end. Transformation often looks messy from the outside, but when it’s rooted in rhythm, truth, and self-trust, it leads to inner freedom.

Call it what you want, but it’s looking unlimited and evermore from where I’m dancing.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. See you next week to talk about the power of pattern recognition.

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Let’s do the time warp again? Click here for this week’s mixtape. It’s really fun to dance to! Here’s a sneak peak —

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Click here to learn more.

Welcome back to Summah Camp!

If you’re new, start with the syllabus then choose your own adventure.

I’m the Mahvelous Ms. B — former teacher, current human. I’ll be your tour guide this season as we journey through the deep end together.

This week’s episode is Weaving. Let’s dive in. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

The Ancient Art of Basket Weaving

When I was in kindergarten, I spent a lot of time at the Boston Children’s Museum. There was a longstanding exhibit about basket weaving that I was obsessed with.

In many Indigenous traditions, basket weaving is more than just a craft. It’s the sacred practice of weaving memory and lineage into something new. Each basket tells a story, not through words, but through pattern and process.

It isn’t just about making something, it’s about remembering. Every weave is a thread back to something deeper. It’s not just craft — it’s continuity.

Modern Weaving for the New Americana

Modern weaving is basket weaving for the emotionally complex. It’s the process of transforming emotional chaos into clarity, creating space for strategic vision-setting.

I codified it into a simple three-step framework, creating just enough structure to quiet my internal world without flattening it into boredom.

📈 Here’s the formula:

🧶 The 3-Step Weaving Process

1. Step 1: Notice what loops. What keeps showing up — in dreams, lyrics, old journals, or random moments?
   → What do I always circle back to?

2. Step 2: Pull what lingers. What stirs something in me — even if I don’t understand why yet?
   → What gives me a feeling even if I can’t name it yet?

3. Step 3: Remix for meaning. What happens when I combine those threads into something new — a playlist, a painting, a pattern?
   → What truth is trying to come through?

Modern Weaving Starter Kit

There are a lot of ways to weave, but I started with music because it gave my emotions somewhere to go before I had words for them.

Following the process was simple:

1. I noticed which songs were on repeat,

2. I pulled the ones that stirred something in me, then

3. I remixed them into playlists based on feeling.

The hard part was sticking with it, but consistency is what makes patterns visible. Over time, I started to see the plot lines I’d been looping on my whole life — spelled out in song titles — and I didn’t like them anymore.

That kind of clarity brought me full circle. Right back to the baskets from kindergarten, and to the importance of grounding my inner world in something physical. Even something as simple as a track list.

Why? Because it’s much easier to solve a problem once you stop hiding from it — and it’s much harder to hide from something you can see.

Thinking 360: Not Everything Is About Me!

Eventually, I started seeing patterns beyond my own story. From Frank Sinatra to Kendrick Lamar to Taylor Alison Swift, the musicians who stand the test of time are weavers too.

They’ve threaded emotional breadcrumbs into their lyrics, remixing truth and memory into personal blueprints for survival and success. If you zoom out, it becomes bigger than any one artist. Collectively, they have built a shared emotional universe — a living archive woven across time, genre, and voice.

I had so much fun exploring it, I lost track of what was mine and what was theirs. The lines blurred, I spiraled into the delusion, and I almost didn’t make it back to reality.

I literally had to draw my way out:

Evermore, Forevermore

That map became Evermore — a multimedia world I built from the threads I pulled. It’s part scrapbook, part storybook, part strategy, and it’s still unfolding. Right now, it has six distinct neighborhoods, each one echoing patterns across pop culture and ancient mythology.

It can serve as a fun puzzle or a visualization tool to kickstart your own weaving practice. For me, it’s become a way to slip in and out of delusion on command — one of the most impressive things I’ve ever taught myself.

As adults, we’re encouraged to trade our imaginations for productivity — to shrink our dreams so we can build someone else’s. But every mission you’ve ever followed started with a wild idea. And more often than not, that idea looked an awful lot like a delusion before it became a vision statement. If not yours… then whose? Ya know?

In the words of Tyler, The Creator:

I finally trust myself and I’m looking forward to earning your trust through authenticity, consistency, and radical empathy.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. Happy living!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. They say if you build it, they will come. Let’s find out! This week’s mixtape is a basket I’ve been weaving for quite some time. Here’s how it ends —

🧶 Weaving Resources

• The Freefall blueprint — a road to Evermore.

• An interactive map of Evermore — get lost!

• All my mixtapes on Spotify — inspo if you need it.

• Weaving highlights on Instagram — i’m having fun!

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

Back in December, I made a strategic decision to crash out — publicly, theatrically, and on purpose.

With a little help from the American music industry, I named my descent the freefall. A glamorized, sacred unraveling designed to torch fear-based narratives and carve out space for truth and joy.

Did you enjoy the show? Was it fun to watch? Did it make you question everything you thought you knew about me?

Good! That was the plan. Even when it looked like chaos, I was keeping rhythm inside the storm. After three decades of being told I’m too much, too loud, too everything — I learned to hold competing truths like armor.

But now that I’m on the other side of the freefall, dancing in my truth — I’d love for you to join me in your truth whenever you’re ready! So, without further ado, meet Sally McCabe, the smallest girl in the smallest grade.

Sally’s here to set the tone for our first annual East Coast Summah:

Welcome to Summah Camp!

Set down your trays and let Sally and I serve as your mirror for the next ten weeks — modeling how to rework old narratives, move to your own rhythm, and write your next chapter with intention.

It’ll take place in that liminal space between strategic delusion and curated reality. I call it Evermore. You’ll get the full universe map next week!

☀️ Summah Camp Syllabus

• 6/21: Syllabus Week — From Freefall to Forevermore.

  Thanks for showing up. All you have to do now is stay!

• 6/28-7/19: The Blueprint — Freefall.

  Phase 1 is for undoing. Rewinding the tape, breaking the pattern, and remembering who you were before the world told you who to be.

• 7/26-8/30: The Map — Forevermore.

  Phase 2 is for building. This is where you remember how to dream big so you can map it out and claim what’s next in full color.

🪩What to Expect

By subscribing to our Substack newsletter, you’ll receive a place to land weekly and direct access to some combination of the following materials every Saturday:

1. The Soundtrack — Spotify mixtapes that ground vision setting in rhythm and play, opening your mind to new ideas + different perspectives.

2. The Dance Party — Instagram highlights that capture an ongoing mixed media story about the power of showing up authentically + consistently.

3. The Manuscript — A collection of reimagined tales from Celtic mythology set in Evermore, revealing cross-cultural patterns + reimagined endings.

4. The Classroom — Resources geared to help all children live a life filled with authenticity, confidence + radical empathy.

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Click here to explore the full universe.

Before we begin Chapter 3 of My Codified Life, remember to only take what resonates and leave the rest. I’m just a girl who spilled her guts on the internet to show you what dreaming out loud looks like.

Turns out my dream is simple: to build cool things that awaken other people’s dreams.

If you choose to stay, I hope you’re ready to dance!

<3 The Mahvelous Ms. B

PS. Click here to listen this week’s full Spotify mixtape. I call it Sunshine Sally. Here’s a sneak peek —

PSS. Click here to listen to someone’s dad read Sally McCabe’s full story. Then click here to grab a copy for your bookshelf.

This is my rocket, and I can send an off-cadence email if I want to! I know I preach organized chaos but who doesn’t like a fun surprise?

For example, the resurfacing of my first ever delusion after watching Avril Lavigne and Fall Out Boy perform back-to-back on the same stage at Harvard University. How do you like them apples?!

I’ll make it quick and then remain silent until June 21, as promised:

Remember the hot girl walk? Well… I’m excited to introduce you to the delusional girl walk! It’s just like the hot girl walk, but not for the faint of heart.

📌 Here are my delusions to get you started:

1️⃣ East Coast Summahs: She released the doves + she surrendered love. Now she gives them a standup routine on the Cape while dancing like Uma Thurman. It ends with a Sk8er Boi on stage. Haven’t you heard? They’re in love and they rock each other’s worlds!

2️⃣ Summah Garden: Patience + Things Will Get Better x Lady by the Sea. Mostly instrumental if that’s your jam!

3️⃣ Slow It Down: I choose u+(m)e, religiously. Come home when you’re ready — I’ll be waiting on Liability Hill with the rest of the sirens.

We can do anything we want to, y’all. See you in your dreams!

<3 Whoevah you need me to be.

PS. Thank you to the brave men and women who fight for my right to take my tits out whenever I damn well please. May my delusions distract you from theirs today!

** Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

On August 17, 2024, I scribbled this in one of many notebooks I own:

I thought about saying it happened on September 21 for the plot — but contrary to what I’ve been telling you, it’s quite hard for me to lie.

Do you remember… the 17th night… of August?

Anyways, I’m known for being unable to let things go but I really outdid myself with this one — even by my own unhinged standards.

Since feeling my soul vibrate (wtf?!), you’ve witnessed me:

1. Quit the same job three times

2. Leave NYC after a decade

3. Move into my mother’s basement

4. Freefall into the deep end

5. Howl at the moon

6. Dance my way back to full power

7. Decide I’m a siren, then realize that’s probably insane

8. Draft a love story about that insanity

9. Decide that love story is real all by myself — and lean in closer

10. Send whatever this thing is weekly for 23 weeks straight

11. Share a mixed media story daily for 14 weeks straight

12. Curate one million playlists to soundtrack said chaos

13. And sketch out my comedic empire for the next 2 decades

All while maintaining a website, 3 Instagram accounts, a Substack newsletter, a Spotify account, a YouTube channel, and a Teachers Pay Teachers storefront.

In 3 weeks, a very important decade is coming to a close as I turn 33.

Why? Because I will have officially documented 2 decades of my life. Also, because, my birthday is on Friday the 13th this year.

Maybe I really am a witch!

Welcome to…

The Notebooks Tour — A Paper Trail x Nic.

How fitting, right? I’ll tell you more about it after my birthday. Right now, it’s music festival season and I gotta go dance in the sunshine. Fork being rational! Give ‘em what they ask for — ya know?

The Mahhhhvelous Ms. B will see you again in 3 weeks on June 21 for our first ever East Coast Summah!

Welcome to the mad house + happy critical thinking.

<3 Whatevah you wanna call me

PS. To fully appreciate the summer (p)remix, listen to East Coast Summers by Kaleb Cohen while looking at the track list. He’s a funky duck with a map!

unlimitedandevermore

A post shared by @unlimitedandevermore

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Thanks for participating in our first ever shared delusion — I’ve named it The Stayges Tour!

Track lists are now available on Spotify for every stage of my life — in the appropriate order and color coded by feeling. Start at the bottom, just like I did!

✨ Here is the map:

I’ve been quietly building my own world since 2005. If you thought the paper trail started because a 6-to-9 grind stole my purpose, passion and power, think again. I came prepared. Always have!

For example, on Monday, March 7, 2005, at 8:12pm, I wrote another letter to SE Hinton:

Here is my disappointment, remastered:

What 12-year-old has the nerve to circle back with S.E. Hinton?! I’m going to have to send another email because she never responded!

Anyways, two weeks later, on Monday, March 21, 2005, at 5:05pm, I started building the Unlimited + Evermore empire:

Here are my youthful lies, remastered:

As you can see above, I’ve always been dumb + poetic. With a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit ‘em right between the eyes, you know?

👩‍🏫 Do you hear me yet???

I hope so because this is a raging rapid, not a lazy river, and I’m excited to formally welcome you to our next shared delusion:

💚Freckle-Faced Hustler Season!

Just in time for summer! Get off the barstools, boys — we have work to do. See you at the dance party!

Coo coo ca-choo,

<3 The Marvelous Ms. B

PS. If you’re not on Instagram, here’s D.A.N.C.E — volume 13. Next week is 14!

PSS. Hi! It’s still me — the problem. You with me on the double entendres yet??? Remember the plan?? Say something? #22PaperDollsReturn

PSSS. That’s a map for the next leg of our journey together. #OrganizedChaos

**Always free, no ads + we’ll never share your email. Learn more here.

I’m going to skip the double entendre this week. I want y’all to feel this.

I’ve remastered a blueprint as old as time — I call it the freefall. When explored with curiosity, creativity, and kindness, it becomes a roadmap back to personal power.

🪩 All you need to do is remix it with your own songs, then lose yourself in the music!

Kenny opened my eyes to this during the Sports Ball Halftime Show.

It’s why I haven’t been able to sleep since February 9th. I’ve been learning everything humanly possible, in every modality possible.

👩‍🏫 It’s been so much fun!

Don’t you remember?

On March 9th, I told you knowledge is power. Well, power transmutes shame into confidence! It’s what I’ve been trying to show you this whole time…

👙 Sometimes in my underwear, just like Sabrina + Doechii!

Plus, remember those sick ducks I told you about on December 21?

They’re running out of engaging content! Haven’t you noticed?

Meanwhile, the good ducks are mapping the future in double entendre — then teaming up with the funky ducks, who remix those maps to lighten the rhythm of life.

I don’t know if it’s magic or science, but it’s happening and we just need to listen… like, actually listen for once in our lives!

🐺 Preferably, alone and at night… like Mike Posner kindly asked us to.

The freefall healed me. Full stop. No jokes.

So, I took what I learned and got to work building large-scale childlike joy… all while relentlessly chasing my own dreams behind the scenes.

🔌 Shameless plug: You’ll like my dreams. They don’t look anything like Sabrina Carpenter, and you might even want to be a part of them when they’re ready to share!

Do you want to come dance with me yet?

It sounds simple and silly, but so is life! And honestly, so am I. I’m just trying to have a good time, keep my people safe + make the world a little brighter. I can feel the positive impact I’m making, it’s just so quiet up here on Liability Hill.

✨ To those with me in the background: thanks for letting me know it’s helping — it helps me!

✨ To those solving my puzzle quietly then claiming what’s yours loudly: I see you — keep going, queens + cubs!

Oh, also — there’s another full moon upon us.

This time it’s a Flower Moon on Monday, May 12. I hope you don’t need me during this one because I’ll be dancing in the moonlight with Kenny at Gillette Stadium. My seat is in section 314 and not by choice. There aren’t words to capture my excitement!

🪻Here are some fun facts about Monday’s full moon:

• It was named by Indigenous cultures for the wildflowers bursting open after a dormant season.

• Energetically, it is associated with growth, creative expression, and heart-opening.

• It’s not about setting new intentions — it’s about witnessing what’s now rising. This isn’t a time to hustle. It’s the time to hold steady as your garden begins to flower.

We’re superblooming, y’all! Just like fireweed.

Ah-ooo + woo woo,

<3 Nic

PS. Keep drawing red lines, I’ll see you on the other side! Here are my tracks — the rest is still unwritten:

PSS. When I was getting my nervous breakdown bangs, a hairdresser boldly stated that “the music is changing.” Have you noticed???

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I withheld information from you two weeks ago.

I have more party tricks. I also know every word to A Milli by Lil Wayne. What can I say? Your girl has always gone weak in the knees for a well-crafted double entendre.

There’s this other girl who loves a double entendre as much as I do:

This week is for my swamp queen. She’s just trying to educate you in her underwear! What kind of crazy person wouldn’t be interested in learning from a teacher like that?!

Listen to our songs, please!!

<3 Nic Rose

PS. Can you even believe that I was 22 a decade ago?! It was bound time for the start of a new age. Everything is coming up roses this time, y’all. #22PaperDollsReturn

PSS. Friendly reminder that I’m ill, not sick. Listen to this week’s track list, then click the hashtag. Do it. I dare you. You won’t… #69God

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This has been the weirdest, longest, shortest, most absurd 5 months of my life. For a lot of it, I felt like I was just a witness. Time blended, then stopped, then changed.

Nothing made sense and then everything made sense and then nothing made sense all over again — but I think that was the point. I left my head for the first time, maybe ever, and remembered who I am at my core.

Unsurprisingly, everything always comes back to my Snow Angel. So, let’s finally talk about Jake — the only unhinged Irish man for me.

(^Click his name to learn more about his legacy!)

Jake was the yin to my yin and my best friend.

He was the first male I’d ever felt comfortable being myself around, but I didn’t realize this until he was already gone.

One night, we did something so stupid it broke us, and we spiraled out about it until 9am the next morning. We were sitting in lawn chairs passing a bottle of non-virgin orange juice back and forth trying to unstick ourselves.

It’s one of my favorite memories.

We had a lot of fun together. The party didn’t start until we walked in.

One time, we were smoking a cigarette out front of a pregame and he said, “I’ll never leave you, Southie.”

He died that night. Haunting, right?

Jake taught me how to shock people out of their heads and into the moment.

This was our last picture together. I was on the floor sulking over some boring dude who will only ever be known as Pancake Boy.

We hated Pancake Boy.

Even though this picture indicates otherwise, Jake always made me smile.

I used to make people play this game in college called: The Ugly Face Game. He never followed my rules, and I loved it.

Fun fact: Jake is the reason I call you all promising young cubs. Do you see what I’m doing here yet? Mesi(m)ba… u+(m)e… the “m” is for mixtape. #culturaldiffusion4ever

Sometimes, Jake even served as my AD when I was filming events around campus. Everything is better with a partner!

📌 All this to say —

Faugh a ballagh for the MESIBA!!! I’m back, you mother forkers.

<3 Nic

Freckle-faced Hustler | Whimsical Skedaddler

PS. This is the episode of Shameless where Fiona leaves the Southside and never looks back. Also, I’m taking back Sunday. Newsletters drop on Saturdays now.

PSS. This track list is for my almost lover. Look at what Peyton Sawyer drew for Lucas Scott —

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In high school, I had a party trick: I knew every word to The Party Song by Blink-182.

It still gives me warm fuzzies when I think about it. I’d say it feels orange — nostalgic, chaotic, and warm. It’s about this blonde with green eyes who doesn’t wear any underwear and she’s no fun.

I wasn’t wearing any underwear while listening to this song yesterday either, but I keep it fun — always. You don’t even have to #Guess what color my bra was. Check out the track lists below!

Anyways, I thought The Party Song was about how green eyes tries too hard, but on my one millionth listen, I realized something we always knew:

Remember when I loudly told you this on January 5th? #DefyingGravity

Here’s an example:

🧩 Do you like my songs?

In high school, Fall Out Boy taught me how to raise myself like a remix — I’ve been doing it ever since! Also, while you weren’t paying attention to me these last couple of weeks, I had a beautiful, magic love affair.

All cards on the table though — there’s a 50/50 chance I was the only participant. Hey homie, you there? 😝

In my defense, I have none! I just couldn’t leave well enough alone.

But on February 23rd, I loudly declared that I was going to get me a lover and tell you all about it. Nothing has changed, the mixtape just isn’t ready yet. Right?

This story moves slow like stop motion animation… or molasses, if you’re looking for a more poetic option for the garden. #SheWolf

Everything is going to be fine because the mixer prepared her case in advance this time!

Anyways, I hope my songs make you smile. To the stage!!! Are you coming yet? We’ve only just begun!

<3 Nic

The Fiddle Disco! General 💃

PS. I’ve just been dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light this whole time! Do you like my scarf? It’s Moroccan red. #22PaperDollsReturn

PSS. This week’s track list is for my new lover — are we on the same page? I can’t tell for certain! Isn’t my new game so fun?!

** Did you like this scene I caused? How bad do you want me? #ComeHome

Kendrick Lamar’s words keep me up at night, every night.

It’s been like this since February 9th, but that’s not what I want to talk about today because, as Taylor Swift taught me — strategy sets the scene for the tale.

And while I spend my nights thinking about Kenny’s words, I spend my days thinking about his strategy. Let’s finally talk about the Superbowl Halftime Show!

🫵 Uncle Sam Jackson kicked things off by welcoming us to The Great American Game.

Just sit with that for a second. I shrieked.

🎵 The revolxtion about to be televised. You picked the right time but the wrong guy. 🎶

I stopped breathing. My Irish eyes were smiling.

👻 Suprise! It’s your boy, Chuck E. Cheese!

I started taking notes. Let’s talk about the hustle here because it stops me in my tracks every time. Yes, that chain serves as a visual representation of a Pulitzer-worthy lyric, but what’s more interesting is who designed it.

👑 Kenny did! He also designed his jacket… and everything else!

pgLang is the record label, production house, and creative agency that he cofounded with business partner Dave Free in 2020. They even had “a minor” t-shirts on their website well in advance of the Superbowl. It’s almost as if they’re working in tandem to create an entirely new ecosystem.

It was a mastermind move considering the stunt Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband pulled with his silly little commercial. You could read more about that here, but I wouldn’t. It’s far less engaging than Kenny’s strategic artwork.

Have a forking cup of coffee, Ed! 😝

😜 Sounds like a whisper…

I wanted to link you to the “a minor” t-shirt, but Kenny and Dave are up to something because their website has drastically changed. I’m pretty sure it’s a timeline of every move they’ve made in preparation of whatever comes next.

What an interesting strategy, don’t you think?

I bet moving like this helps Kenny and/or Dave communicate what they’re unable to express verbally. I bet it also allows them to move full steam ahead while organizing their ideas. Maybe they even cracked the code to achieving ikigai together.

Fun fact: Did you know I published Erin Go Brockovich on March 30th, the same day that Kenny released Humble in 2017? Did you also know you’ll never know if that move was intentional?

✨ I can relate to Kenny… haven’t you been paying attention? Also, Taylor Swift wrote a song foreshadowing this moment called Shake It Off.

✨ I even gave you the heads up in Defying Gravity (Taylor’s Version) on January 5th. #22PaperDollsReturn

💃 My favorite part? Serena Williams dancing her way back to full power.

“kendrick bringing out serena williams to crip walk after drake stalked [her] publicly for years… is so wild, that man is the definition of chaotic good.” — an X user

🌭🥇 Hot sauce, mustard and bad blood, y’all.

I dream it, I work hard, I grind til I own it. Don’t you remember? On March 9th, I told you the kettle was on… Do you see my new superpower yet?

<3 Nic

PS. You better call Becky with the good hair because I’ve got a Jack Daniels bottle full of glitter in my bag. Do you want the dangerous me or the famous me? This has always been bigger than the dance party. #40acres #amule #faughaballagh 🍀✊

PSS. Click here for this week’s soundtrack — we’re on volume 9. Track 10 is my current mood. I’m the star and the giver. Catch up! 🫶

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🌱 We have officially become!

Thanks for sticking with me through the least organized part of our journey together. When we began, I had no idea where this was going but I bet on myself and started writing anyways.

And guess what? The idea eventually came AND my favorite promising young cub is back!

🔎 What is this thing?​

​Unlimited + Evermore is a multi-platform storytelling experience rooted in music, movement, education, and community. At the heart of everything are tracks — stories that break free from format. Tracks could be:​

• Short stories

• Videos

• Quotes

• Lesson Plans

• Paintings

• Songs

• Feelings

• Moments

​Each one is a puzzle piece in a larger, unfolding narrative. Tracks are shared in real time — scattered across our platforms. When the story finds its natural resolution, we gather those puzzle pieces into a mixtape — a complete chapter sealed in sound and memory.

📻 Where do tracks live?

​Tracks are scattered across all of our platforms, unfolding in real time. Each space holds a different piece of the story — a different way of feeling, sharing, and reflecting. Here’s how it all fits together:

🏡 Homebase (unlimitedandevermore.com)

Homebase is where it all begins — and where it all returns. We collect all the tracks here and curate them into mixtapes when the time is right. Hate puzzles and just want the full story? Head to The Good Stuff for complete collections. Erin Go Brockovich isn’t ready yet, sorry!

💃 Instagram (the morning dance party.)

Likely how you got here — a daily mixed media story told through music, pictures, reels, captions, and stickers. Follow along by watching our Instagram story each morning. Dance parties are saved as highlight reels so you can revisit them anytime.

🎶 Spotify (the soundtrack.)

Spotify sets the rhythm to it all — our playlists update daily with songs that carry the week’s energy — grounding you, lifting you, and moving with you. These aren’t background vibes — they’re emotional anchors, setting the tone for how the story unfolds.

📰 Substack (the newsletter.)

Substack is the throughline — the part that holds it all together. Every Sunday, the newsletter reflects on what was and starts to shape what’s next. It helps make sense of the story as it unfolds, offering perspective, rhythm, and a place to land before we keep moving.

Subscribe now

... are you coming?

Our forever home is waiting for you at unlimitedandevermore.com. Let's rewrite our stories together!

<3 Nic

PS. Click here for this week’s soundtrack — we’re on volume 8. The 3rd track is my current mood. See you at the dance party! 💃

PSS. Did you catch my typo the first time I put the jumpsuit on? It’s been destroying me! Funny how we don’t notice things until we’re ready to see them, huh?

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